Taming the Voices in Your Head

Posted in Blog, Mastering Thoughts and Feelings. Written by Karen on September 17th, 2010

STOP the merry-go-round 

You are undoubtedly arguing with your spouse more often than ever during this difficult season of divorce.  How often do you find yourself continuing the argument long after the other person is gone, this series is a must read.

After a confrontation with your spouse, you may find your self operating on automatic pilot because you are living in your head.  All your attention is on the heated argument that continues.  The only problem is the other party is long since gone.  But you keep on arguing, point – counter-point as your emotions continue to build.  As a result, you are staying angry, upset or frustrated.  The crazy part is that the situation has passed and you are making a conscious (or not so conscious) choice to prolong your own pain.

STOP. Make a point to live in the present moment.  When the argument is over, let it be over.  Don’t dwell in that ugly place of anger and hostility.  If you need to think through your point for the next time the two of you talk, then do so, write a list if you have to, and then let it go.  Begin to experience life around you again.  Turn off your auto-pilot and be an active participant in the present moment.

If you have found yourself on that merry-go-round of unending mental debate with your soon-to-be-ex, tell us about it.  How does that behavior serve you?  What benefit do you reap out of perpetuating the fight after he / she has left.

Please tell us about your story.  How has mental chatter caused you undo angst?  What challenges do you have with creating healthier coping mechanisms? 

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Testimonials

I had been formally divorced from my ex for almost 4.5 years before I was introduced to Karen McMahon. I was listening to the Divorce Hour with Larry Bloom and he had a quest speaker on discussing "Pushing your Buttons" and that was exactly what my ex was doing, he knew all the right buttons to push. I called Karen after the segment and requested more information. The more I spoke with her and looked at all of the information on her Website I knew this was just the support service I needed. It's not that I couldn't "get through being divorced", I was tired of it encompassing my entire life. I needed to turn off the internal voice in my head where my ex spoke so loudly, I needed to stop letting him push my buttons. Could I have done it on my own? Possibly? Would I have NO. I needed Karen's honesty and direction to move in the right direction. Before starting with Karen, I thought do I really need one more "therapist" in my life? How many have I spoken with? Then I realized Karen isn't a "therapist" she isn't there to listen to my issues she is there to help me correct what I was doing wrong. I thought long and hard that if my life was ever going to change this would be it and I needed the professionalism of a Divorce Coach to get me there.

I worked with Karen for a few months, slowly the voices died down then one day they were no longer there. I was now the only one in my head. I can't begin to explain the changes or the life impact Karen has made on me. I will admit that on some days there is another voice in my head besides my own, but it is no longer my ex's it's Karen saying "and what do you think about that". I am forever grateful she helped me get my life back, take control and empowered me to be who I wanted.

I can now look back and say I am strong and I am in control of my own life. I have days where I find myself regressing but I always think back to one of my first conversations with Karen where she told me that I wouldn't always want to be on the ride at the carnival and someday I would think I want it to stop and I want to get off. I am now off, looking up at the Ferris wheel thinking why didn't I get off sooner? I can only thank Karen for giving me the strength to believe in myself and who I was. I will be forever grateful for her talks and I am glad if there is ever anyone speaking inside my head that it is her.


Laurie ~ NJ

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